Thursday, April 29, 2010

Amoxicillin for Kyle

**Warning I drop the F-bomb quite frequently in this post, as it's not a cheerful one, but more of a rant of sorts. ***

I hate, hate, HATE, when Kyle complains of something and then poo-poo's any suggestion I have to make him better. He has a headache "take some tylenol" not that doesn't 'work' for him. He has sinus congestion, 'take a decongestant' nah- he can't be bothered, or he doesn't like 'taking pills he doesn't have to'.

Well, this week he got a lovely sinus infection. And surprisingly, he went to health services before I nagged him too, or before he was shooting black snot out his nose like last time. The Dr. wrote 2 prescriptions, one for amoxicillin and the other for allegra. Now, I know, allegra is 'just an allergy pill' but if the doctor wrote it he must have a reason behind it. Did kyle bother asking what that reason was? Oh no, he just took the prescriptions and went home. Then he decided he wasn't going to fill allegra. Well I bullied him into it.

Cvs then decided to make my life harder by telling him it would be 42 dollars to fill the allegra. Cheapo bastard decides yup, he certainly doesn't need it because it costs more than a dime.

I HATE HATE HATE this. How can he be in my face ALL the time telling me, take this, do that, do the vest, work out, eat this, blah blah blah. When he won't even take a fucking allergy pill?! And everytime he says his stupid little "I don't get sick, I'm the evolution of man" I want to fucking punch him in the goddamn face. I want to break his nose. Rubbing it my face that he doesn't need a single fucking pill to get over whatever ailment he has, whereas I can't even EAT without taking something. It's bullshit. And it hurts my feelings. He's being insensitive whether he knows it or not.

Every single time I suggest something he doesn't do it because he 'just doesn't like to take anything his body wouldn't need' FUCK YOU! If you're constantly sniffling, blowing your nose, and sneezing take a goddamn antihistamine and stop bitching about your nose to me! Every time you can't sleep and I suggest you take sleepy medicine and you poo-poo it, or you 'claim' it just 'doesn't work' go fuck yourself, and stay awake forever and see if I care! I'm done. If you want to play that game, I've fucking had it. Hear me kyle??? I'm done! How dare you parade around me with one little amoxicillin to make you all better, and say "but honey, see? I just took an antibiotic AND a sleepy pill" FUCK YOU. Pisses me off, and you've left me really hurt. I don't even think I can sleep next to you tonight.

Sorry this was a rant. Nothing productive about this post, but no one actually reads anyway so my blog still fulfills its purpose of useless ranting about meaningless things.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Nothing to do, again.

So here it is 11:14 pm and I'm blogging again. Usually I'm lucky if I can remember to blog once a month, never-mind twice a day. But I'm hooked up to the vest doing a neb, and I feel emotionally drained. I just don't feel like doing anything. I have no motivation. I just don't see where I'm going, or how I can get there.

I still have no friends down in Virginia. That's a bummer. I love kyle to death, but it hurts not having a girlfriend to talk to, or shop with, or eat out for lunch with. And I really have no way of finding such friends, not working or going to school. So basically, I'm pretty lonely. I live on the internet. What type of life is that? It's not very fulfilling, it's blurry, pixelated, and the noise level varies with each youtube video. It gets old fast. There's only so many things I can check: facebook- exhausted, -- exhausted, all the blogs I follow -- done, email? ha! like I get emails. =\ School email? Nope not in school right now. Craigslist -- sad to say but I've looked through everything...twice.

Where does it end?! The madness. Life is too short to be bored. But it's also too short to do something you don't want to do. I just can't figure out what the heck I want to do, in the moment. Right now. Something non-permanent, so that when more permanent things come about I can be ready for them (think kiddies).

Gah I don't know why I do this. I just am never satisfied with what I have, what I'm doing, or rather, my life in general. I just feel so lost all the time. I put in so much effort to stay as healthy as possible, but for what? I'm not too sure. As of right now, its so I can check facebook 400 times a day, and read/live through other people via their blogs.

And now that I've vented and whined pretty successfully I'm going to bed, where at least dreaming isn't so bad.

Catching a Break, or my breath, either one would be nice.

I just can't seem to catch a break. Day by day I'm becoming more miserable. Less motivated, more tired, and can't forget the ever persistent cough cough cough. Living like this is almost unbearable and I can't even begin how people like my sister manage. Awaiting a lung transplant lungs barely working on their own. In reality, do I really have the 'right' to complain?? I hover between 50-65, on Really good days --which are far and few these days, maybe 70. So how come I feel so miserable?

I dread waking up in the morning because I know the peaceful breathing I enjoy in the first minute or so of waking up, is over all to quickly and so begins the day of coughing, throwing up, sweating, coughing coughing coughing. Oh and can't forget sniffling. And snorting, and buggery slime everywhere. You think that description is gross, try living it!

It's almost one and the only thing I've managed to accomplish today are the following:
  • Vest
  • Cough cough cough
  • Throw up in a cup while doing the vest
  • cough cough cough
  • go through half a pack of tissues
  • Finish vest
  • Do Inhaled meds
  • check facebook while nebbing
  • Pay off credit card (finally something productive)
  • Refill prescriptions online
  • Wash dishes in the sink (2 pans 6 things of spatulas&cook handles)
  • Load dishwasher (few bowls and silverwear)
  • cuddle with the Furbabies (aka the ferrets)
  • Cough cough cough & throw up
  • Sit and write this blog entry.

Gah. Seriously, that's it. I've been up for hours. I also managed to get dressed, which kyle always is telling me doesn't count as an accomplishment for the day, but what does he know. For me it does! So boo to you kyle, boo to you.

I have about 4 more important things to conquer today and then whatever else I can do is extra.
  • Return Library Books
  • Mail off Package to Mom, Jpie, Laurel --who's now known as crash due to her first day of driving lessons, hilarious story for a different time--, and miss Stasha. Nothing for Ron or little Kyle. They will get something when they visit in July.
  • GO to Rite Aid to drop off diabetes stuff. (hopefully my insulin pens will be covered by insurance, if not oh well syringes it is)
  • Lastly, go to work. No biggie here, I just lounge and watch TV for a while and eat a mini snack pack of doritos and drink some lemonade.
Wish me luck. I only have 2.5 hours to accomplish these things before work arrives. Now if only I could stop coughing long enough to put my hair in a ponytail we'd be good. Sighhh. Just can't catch a break, can I?

And now I'm done feeling sorry for myself, and ready to tackle these tasks as best I can. Usually the car ride distracts me enough my coughing slows down.

And Now for some cuteness:


And Duck Duck!!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Week by Week, Day by Day

Wow, where does time go? It seems to fly by when you least expect it to. But yet, when I reflect on my days I haven't accomplished anything. At least anything significant. I extended my school break till may 31st, which will be the maximum of 5 months off. Hopefully by May 31st, I will be under the "Michelle Law" with my mom's insurance so I can have a whole year off without consequence or insurance drop. And then within that year, I hopefully with receive medicare/medicaid -- if the friggin people will ever set a court date for me. (so frustrating but that's another story). Even with this "plan" in place. It's not much of a plan. No goals, no finish line, no nothing. It's a little disheartening, seeing as I don't have any direction in life, and basically have decided that I'm going to be financially dependent on other people for ....well... my whole life? Granted, I don't WANT to be dependent, but I just can't seem to find a way around it.

I've run over the options so many times in my mind, and there just isn't one that seems 'right'. I can continue in school, eventually graduate ( I technically would be a junior in college right now, but now that I'm doing school online, and have taken this break I wouldn't graduate until at least 2012.) so after eventually finishing school, I can teach. Teach? Seriously now, what was I thinking?? Yes, I love kids, but no, I don't love their germs. And teaching is so much work, both in the classroom and outside of it. My mother was a teacher for 3 years and was so terrible at it she quit -- before they fired her. haha. Plus being sick all the time, and coughing everyday--all day. I would only get half as much material covered as regular teachers, and that is unfair to the kiddies. But it would provide the health insurance needed, and an income (not much of an income but money nonetheless.) However this is the plan I dread the most.

Plan B: Finally recieve Medicare/Medicaid and find something to do with my time. With the most stressful things covered (healthcare coverage) what to do as far as income. Well this is the best (and this is sarcasm) thing about getting government assistance with healthcare, you have to be dirt poor! So nothing in my name, no finances to my name, and certainly no 'real' job. Less than 750 a month to continue coverage for federal, nevermind the state limit. Even with a small part time job as a barista or something some silly teenager does as their first job, I can only work for a maximum of 5 years with my 'ticket to work.' Then after 5 years you're kicked off. Granted, you can easily get right back on should you get fired for so many missed absences (cough cough hospitalizations every other month for 2 weeks at a time) but still, what a hassle. So with medicare and medicaid what the heck do you do with your spare time. Even now, with an under the table gig of babysitting after school, my days are boring and repetitive. I live on youtube and facebook. I finally discovered boggle online so now I'm exercising my brain a little, but come on you can only boggle so many times before your hand cramps. And there are only so many stupid youtube videos you can watch, and even movies online usually have a time limit (thanks megavideo for my 72 minutes of video today).

Plan C: Oh wait I have no idea what plan C is. Plan C is my 'dream' rather than an actual plan. Kyle will finish Grad school and land an amazing job, preferably with the government, and he'll have at least a 20 year contract, and with that contract comes amazing insurance. So we could legally get married and I'd be covered under his insurance. We'd buy a nice house, with a huge backyard overlooking some mountains (because the nature boy I just married is obsessed with mountains or something) and we'd get two amazing puppies, a husky and Australian shepard. Then magically one day I would realize we're pregnant and my pregnancy would go smoothly for 39 weeks (I'd be a week early because of 'cf ' but that's the only problem ---haha I told you this was my dream!) And then I can be a stay at home mama, and do what I do best, love and care for little angels. And then a few months later after my little baby is born, a cure for CF would be found and all my worries would melt away! Tada!!!!!!!

So Plan C would be awesome but I'll settle for plan B mixed with a little of C, or most of C. Anything from C? gah.

I can't even remember what started this. Oh right, my pointless days. I honestly have no direction in life. It's so unnerving, dissatisfying, and honestly stressful. Needing something to do with my time, especially if I am able to get under the Michelle Law (which I don't seem being a problem, my new CF doc is awesome and he'd gladly write me anything I needed.) that I've been brainstorming what I could do to A. make a little extra money, and B. not die from boredom.

Well, the other day I settled on trying to make some nice sets of cards to try to sell on Before that I had been thinking monogramed onesies or bibs, something for babies, as that would give me an excuse to shop for baby things. haha so bad, I know. But I still haven't figured out how to embroider well enough on my sewing machine. I did however manage to get it back to the english language. Not that I didn't appreciate the german or anything like that.

I thought about trying to make a cute set of 'thank you' cards related to CF in a way, because I thought it would be nice after all the walk-a-thons going on for people to have a cool thank you to send. I tried to make a pair of lungs type card, and well, I found out very quickly I can't draw lungs for sh**. hahah. But I tried. So CF thank you's are still in the works, we'll see if I can think up anything cool or exciting.

Speaking of lungs, Miss Jess is doing awesome with her new set of breathers. Yay! And my sister finally agreed to double list and is getting the ball rolling with Cleveland Clinic. I just pray and hope she doesn't back out once it gets 'tough'. She's the epitome of laziness and I know if extra work is required to double listing, she will kiss those lungs goodbye. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Well, that's because it is! Unfortunately, she can't see that. =\

Alrighty, thats about it. Oh except for the fact that my vest machine broke, and I got a new machine from hill-rom (yay for lifetime warranties!) and NO WONDER I didn't think the vest did anything, mine DIDN'T! It didn't even have enough power to make my tubes whistle. Yes, apparently my tubes had quite a few holes from puppy teeth/ferret teeth, and when I put them on the new machine you could have sworn there was a train a-comin! haha, so yes the machine was a dud. And the new machine! WOAH! It's awesome. It's cut my coughing down by at least 30-50%. Not even joking/lying. The second day of doing the new vest my chest hurt because it stopped all my 'coughing for 5 minutes only to get mostly spit up' and changed them into 'cough only once-twice every hour, but cough up some deep nasty junk that you know is gross'. Fine by me. Get it up, get it out, get it GONE.

Speaking of which, it's vest time now. =) And if you made it to the end of this, then you deserve a prize!

(And in future reference if I ever stop making sense or my entries are all over the place, just know that I don't believe in 'proof reading' I just write and click publish. haha. Sometimes I go back and reread them after the fact and all I can do is laugh at how poorly the ideas are connected, or spelling mistakes, or randomness. )

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Not feelin so great.

Boo Cf BOO! I try so hard, and yet no matter what I do you still attack full force. BUT like Kyle always says, looking on the bright side, think of how sick you'd be if you did NOTHING. so true. Thanks for being my voice of reason. It is this voice which is why for the past week I've strapped myself to the vest and inhaled salt water on multiple occasions. Just in the hopes that it will send whatever is growing out, or at least slow it down. And now the song I like to sing; it goes a little something like this--
Fever Fever go away
I want to go outside to play
and infact I wouldn't mind
if you didn't come by all the time!

oh well. gotta do whacha gotta do.
So other than being a bum and feeling fevery I haven't done a single thing. Although I did fix my sewing machine and the language is now back to english. phew. Also I tried to embroider a little, but it's so complex that I think I need to break out the manual. =\ Not an easy feat seeing as this manual consists of a 4 inch binder that's half my weight. haha. okay. that's all for now.

Monday, April 5, 2010

90 in April

Phew. It was hot today. 90 degrees, and it's only the first week of April.

Not much of a productive day. Skyped with Jpie and Dad and the Mom came in so I talked to her for a few minutes before the pie kicked me off.

I did a lot of working out today. Although I skipped zumba --shhh don't tell kyle -- then felt guilty for skipping zumba, so I did extra pole work today. I got a new move down and almost had another move down. Both two are advanced moves. wahoo. I'm just so sore from working so hard the past few days and I do have a few bruises. Oh well. It's super fun and is building muscle.

I had absolutely no appetite today and I'm just waiting till my period is over so I can start megace again. It just messes up my cycle SO horribly I decided instead of freaking out over a missed cycle I would wait to take it till after my period is through. So any day now would be nice. haha.

But speaking of eating, I know part of the problem is that there isn't anything appetizing that I want to eat. Especially for lunch and breakfast. I need to get some frozen stuff asap. And milk. we drink so much friggin' milk. Almost a gallon a day. How ridiculous!

Alrighty that was just a quick update. The kids are in Greenville so I don't have to work for a few days. cool I guess, but that also means no paycheck this week. boo. oh well.

And now my latest obsession is calling: soup at hand! dun dun dunnnnn (so quick so easy so delicious too bad they don't make a high fat/calorie version for us skinny minnies)


Saturday, April 3, 2010


The title says it all. A day of nothing. Although I did clean up the kitchen because it was 'rendered useless' as kyle says. By myself. making fondant. or attempting to. sigh.
then we went to target and got the most bootleg kitchen table. It's a card table that folds to store easily. It was only 30 bucks and looked more sturdy than the 100 dollar 'wood' table anyways. Eh we'll just keep the table cloth over it.

We took the ferrets outside today. Duckie freaked out, she started to play and hop and go crazy, but we weren't sure if she was excited or scared because her tail was puffed out. so to be on the safe side we brought her back in.

OOH and the apartment complex sent us a letter saying. Please move any furniture away from the windows 3 feet, so that your windows can be replaced. Well when do we need to move our furniture you say? here's the kicker. Anywhere from April 5th to April 31st. We don't know when they are coming, and they're not giving us anymore advanced warning but that. AND if our furniture is not moved, they move it for us and we have to pay a fee of 50 dollars and they aren't reliable for any damage. Meaning, they don't care if they break shit, and they'll still get money to do it.

So where the heck are we gonna move a desk, a futon, and a full size bed to for this month of april. SERIOUSLY? oh and two ferret cages and a kitchen table. Gosh. it really pissed kyle off that they are doing this. And we don't ahve a specific time for the window installation just a "anywhere from 7:30 AM to the end of the work day." What the heck does that mean, and furthermore I'm still SLEEPING At 730 am!!!! Well only time will tell how this is going to work out, but its a good thing we're getting new windows these old ones are crap.

thats all for now.