So Long Weekend

Well, the weekend was WAY. TOO. SHORT! That's for sure. I cannot believe that it's monday already. Back to the hohum of things I guess. I'm a little jealous that kyle gets to sleep in. I'm also a little annoyed that if I didn't need an extra hour for meds then I would be getting more sleep. Because I'm just so tired. And little sleep is how I get run down.

Anyway, enough complaining because it doesn't make anything better. The weekend was really nice blue skies, sunny, but also HOT. In the mid-high 90's again. I better make sure I have lots of salty things today. We didn't do much this weekend. I cleaned the apt. while Kyle did homework. Fair enough trade. We got our engagement ring looked at to be resized and reset. Then on sunday night we had dinner with Will and Meg. Will is one of his friends from his freshman hall, and meg is his girlfriend. They moved into the complex the end of august before school started and its been nice finally having some people so close .=)

I can't wait till friday which is my therapy appointment day. 1 Hour is going to FLY BY. I haven't had therapy in quite a few weeks (3 maybe 4?) due to holidays for the clinic and what have you. Unfortunately even though its my day off I'll still be quite busy. I need to mail a couple of packages, bills, and letters. I have to reorder tobi (good grief through this awful mail order "specialty pharmacy" thanks to being bullied into it by insurance) but I have no idea when it should be delivered? I'm not home till 430. I leave at 7:30ish. And only have every other friday off. . . uh they can deliver on saturdays right? But then you run into the whole "sorry hon I can't leave because the FedEx guy isn't here yet..."

Bah. Complaining again. I just get so fed up with so many things. What it really is, is I'm anxious. I just want to be adjusted to this job already and want it to work out. And not get sick? throw that one in just for kicks. I also would like afternoon nap time to actually be that-- nap time. Not, Molly cries for 2 straight hours. Geesh.

Well with that said, my vest is over (noooooooo too soon I don't wanna get ready for work) and it's time to get dressed and ready to go. Wish me luck today that things go well. I need a good "easy" day to boost my confidence, then maybe I can get through the week. Is it bad that I'm already thinking about the next weekend???

Blah

I'm already tired. I don't know if that's because we just got back from a vacation and I didn't have time to rest up, or if its because this going to bed at 10:30 to wake up at 6 isn't cutting it.

Its day 5 of the new job-- sigh. Day 5 and there's a little bit of dread. I really don't enjoy the fact that she works from home. I feel that the kids should never cry. That in of itself is stressful. Of course they're going to cry! Thing 2 is 2 years old and has never heard the word sharing in her life. That = major melt downs at this age, and if it's close to nap time? Forget it!

I just feel so self conscious and I'm second guessing everything I do. Every. Little. Thing. It's A. annoying, and B. stressful. Also, I'm not a fan of when she comes down for a "break" and messes me all up because of course the kids want to see mom, but that's a no-no because she's still at 'work'. *rolls eyes*

But I can't quit. I just can't do it. I'm sure in a month or so I'll be more adjusted, and I'll have some routines established with the girls. But for right now, I want to cry. But that just might be the sleep deprivation talking (yea yea I know I got 7 hours of sleep but my little tiny self needs 9-10 to really function tip top).

Ugh, here I am whining whining whining. There's a reason there were so many coincidences, and I refuse to just give up like usual. It's only been 5 days! I managed 3 months with my first horrible family. I can at least manage 3 with this one, and then at the 3 month mark, if I'm crying every day. Well then we'll re-evaluate.

And this concludes the whining, self-indulgent pity party. The end.

Compliance and Vacation

I understand the concept of compliance. I'm pretty good with it at home, it does indeed, make me feel great. However, when those bags get packed and the meds are meticulously counted out per day (along with a day or two extra -- you never know), I lose it. I simply cannot be on vacation and be anywhere near compliant. It's a little ridiculous. I do believe that is part of the stress when 'vacationing' aka going home.

But not doing my meds adds even more stress, so that when I get home, I don't feel well and I'm down because I was doing so well before we left only to erase all my hard work of compliancy. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't TRY to be compliant. I try alright, I try. But somehow things just go undone. I also think its much harder to be compliant on vacation. You're having too much fun to just sit down for 45 minutes to vest. Especially if everyone around you is pulling you in 20 million directions.

that's the other thing about going home. I need to see aproximately 20 million people when I get there. Okay, people, I just drove for 12 stinkin' straight hours, so no I would not like to go out breakfast as soon as we roll up in the driveway. I want to crash on a bed and screw up my sleeping schedule.

Oh, sleep. That's a good one. My whole schedule is out the window. In a 4 day span I only got maybe 18 hours a sleep? This coming from the girl who like to get 10 hours a sleep a night. Grrrr. So everyone expects you to travel all over the place to come visit them. Hello! We're the ones coming up. You get off your lazy bum and come visit me, in my pajamas because I'll be napping the whole day I arrive.

Anywhoo. There are also people I simply do not have time to visit. Who make me visit them regardless. That really gets me. I'm now just complaining. I really only wanted to vent about how I cannot remember to sit down and do pulmozyme while in a different setting, and how amazingly frustrating that is.

My actual visit was nice, considering all the above mentioned nonsense. I didn't get to see one of my old high school friends which was such a bummer because I haven't seen him in literally 4 years and I miss him.

But now after driving 12 hours to arrive yesterday morning, then throwing off the sleep schedule once again by sleeping from 7am to noon, then 330-500 and back to bed by 1130... I'm up at 6 to get right back into the swing of things. I always need a vacation after a vacation. I need a break.

My sister could also use a break. She was escorted to childrens hospital via ambulance equipped with 1 MD 1 RN 2 EMT's. Oh yea, she got the special treatment. But what really threw me off was the part of the message that said "... they stabilized her, and now she's off to hasbro" ... excuse me did you just say they had to stabilize her?Oh dear, that is never good. Along side with throwing up until you pass out, that's never good too. What is good? She is officially double listed at Cleveland Clinic. Lets hope those lungs come soon.

Off to start the day my day with two pint sized trouble makers. At least today its just Thing 1 and Thing 2 and no 3rd child.

Oh the woes---

Oh man. Really? Just my luck. My "first" day with the kids by myself, and what happens? One of them is sick. She threw up 3 times, diarrhea all day, and was the appitamie of fussy. She didn't want anything near her, on her, around her-- which is a problem seeing as there are two other kiddies. This was also another problem because all the toys were "her toys" and she did NOT want anyone but her touching them. They were touched, and it resulted in lots of crying and screaming.

Then everyone decided they did NOT want to nap today. So instead of taking their usual 2 hour nap... they decided to only sleep for 40-60 minutes. Greeeeeaaaat. Short nap = no time for me to eat lunch!! Or do anything! I spent that time cleaning up the disaster area known as the play areas. Oh, also the kitchen. But you can't forget sanitizing all the toys that were barfed on.

It can only get better from here right???? Goodness, I hope so because I refuse to let myself quit. But like everything else it takes time to get adjusted. Both for myself and the kiddies. I've decided to call them Thing 1 and Thing 2 because not only are they 1 year and 2 years old, but thing 2 LOVES anything Dr. Suess.

On another note, I have no idea how I'm going to make it all the way through today, tonight, tomorrow morning - without sleep. I need to figure out where I can nap today, I'm thinking 5-6 at least. Then packing when kyle gets home... its just there's so much to do, it's almost obnoxious.

There are really so many things we need to do/ people to see that I am dreading the tiredness of it all. Everyone is fine if they go a few days with little sleep. But tiring myself out all day with kids, then driving all night, but then having a commitment in the early afternoon of the morning we arrive... plus being on the go constantly. Phew. I'm tired just thinking about it. On the plus side, driving at night means I can drink energy drinks! Kyle found this brilliant Canadian brand that tastes identical to redbull, so much so that I want to look up both lists of ingredients. And the best part you ask? Well, the fact that its about 1/2 the price and twice the size is not bad.

Okay, the vest is almost up so I need to mentally plan out my last few things here. Contacts, grab the check off the table, put something to eat in my purse, find some type of shoe? Unload dishes, put dirty neb & dirty dish in washer... OYE durrrr Cayston! I knew I was forgetting something important. And then meds.

haha fun fact for today about yesterday, and then I'll leave you alone! At one point during the bloody murder screaming coming from Thing 2 I sat down and just prayed to god. I don't believe it one specific "god" or really any "god " for that matter but I figured if other people swear by it, it couldn't hurt. haha I must have looked so defeated sitting on the floor covered in drool, dried up cherrios pasted on, hair all disheveled mummuring "please goooood, give me the strength to make it till nap time. just nap time, that's all, pretty please?"

First Day and um... my first day again?

Yesterday was my 'first day' of my new job. And today is my real first day. I say this because yesterday, Cat, the stand-in babysitter-nanny-needs-a-day-off-fill-in, was there. I basically just kinda watched how she juggled the 3 kids, especially on nap time. Although, I say I 'basically just watched' I was helping out quite a bit, and cannot understand how one takes care of the 3 maniacs by themselves. But today - I will found out, whether or not I want to (find out that is haha).

I'm a little nervous. Had some anxiety again last night. SO that leads to a sleepy morning. I'm doing my vest and pulmo and I've half eaten breakfast. I did my hair while doing the vest and now the remaining 15 minutes are 'me time' where I can write down how interesting my first day was, and how I hope my real first day will run smoothly.

I am a little annoyed, although annoyed seems harsh but nevertheless, I am a little annoyed that when the idea of the 3 toddlers was presented, it was done so in a way that made me think Dylan (toddler #3) isn't there too often. "Just when they swing through VA" Well, let me tell you something, "swing through" and "every now and then" does NOT mean 3 x a week, 2 weeks on 1 week off. Or occasionally 3 weeks on and 2 weeks off.

However, I also had been "deceiving" about CF, not lying in anyway, shape or form though, as I feel they did to me. But I'll cut them some slack. ;-) I never did agree 100% to the 3 kids. I told them I'd give it a 'shot,' and 'try my best.' But it's not a deal breaker for them (or so they said), so we'll see.

Oh another weird thing? Cat made it seem like I should be bringing my own lunch. Which is fine with me, I just wish someone had let me know that because I don't have any food in my fridge to bring for lunch! haha. Small crises on the crises list of things that could go wrong, so I'm satisfied.

I just hope that my body starts to get into a good schedule and I can actually get enough sleep. =\ My ideal goal is bed by 10, lights out 10:15. That way I'll be asleep by 11 and can get 8 hours of sleep. I'd love to get 9 hours, but I have a feeling kyle won't let me go to bed at 9. haha I used to try that, when I wasn't doing anything of course, and it always seemed to be a no-go. I talk about sleep because I know for a fact if I don't get enough sleep, I will get sick. Plain and simple. And we just don't want that now do we? Certainly not.

And with that. Its off to eat my remaining breakfast, change into some clothes and begin my first day... again. Wish me luck.

PS We're going home thursday into friday (driving at night) and we're staying till tuesday morning then driving back during the day. I am NOT looking forward to the hecticness of this visit. People keep calling it a vacation. When you have a cookout kyle's mom thought would be a good idea to host, a beach day dedicated to CF with your sister to attend, a mom who wants to take everyone out to dinner, a step brother who 'has' to see you when you come up, your old boss who you actually miss and want to visit, a friends huge birthday bash to attend b/c you haven't seen those friends in almost a year, another birthday gathering to attend to on block island... and this isn't even including the people who were like "you should come visit me!" or "Lets get coffee!" All crammed into 3 days? Yea... it's not a vacation. Its a mini hell week. I love visiting the people, just not the hecticness/tiredness/drain-i-ness that comes along with it. I can only stretch so far people. PLUS the fact that the day we drive back, I have work the next morning at 8am sharp. So no recovery period. FUN.

Obla dee, obla da things are all right!

Excuse the horribleness of:

A. Not know the correct spelling and/or words to the song in my title

B. The complete LACK of posting for eh, a month

C. The randomness that is about to follow--

Lets start off by saying a week is a long time. Now, sometimes a week can FLY by, and other times you begin to think you actually might comprehend the meaning of forever... A lot of things can happen in a week. Your car could break, you could get a job, get your car fixed, have an interview for said job that you're getting, travel to airport, take all your meds -- or not take all your meds in my stupid stupid case-- get your hair cut, cut your tendon? (a fellow blogger did this and I can't for some reason get out of my head how unlucky that was, but how lucky it was it a clean cut; she's a trooper and seems to be doing well, give the circumstance - I DIGRESS again) But like I said, a lot can happen in a week.

Well, a lot has happened in this past week, and a lot will be happening in the upcoming week. This past week I had a college friend come down to visit. We did so many things! We kayaked, we went paddle boating, walking, riding our bikes, shopping, history tours, swimming, beaching, clubbing... oh my the list goes on. Amidst this hectic fun-filled week was also a slacking week on my part. I started off doing ALL my meds, like a good cherub, but thennnnn I felt like I had to be entertaining my guest 24/7 and missed a cayston here, and missed another there, but no biggie right? Until it was a pulmozyme then an advair (I'm real upset about this one, Jess's post convinced me I needed to start committing to my advair; I have it for a reason right?! and I was doing so well, 2 weeks without a missed dose!) then before you know it, I'm coughing and hacking and well it's not pretty.

But the kicker is the whole time I was feeling guilty about it. Every time I could have just so easily gotten up and taken 7 minutes out of my day to do a med. It was really that simple. Oh, but no, not me! Goodness gracious if I ever just stick to my gut and do what I know is best for me. Well, it sure has bit me in the arse (as Gem would say ) because my friend who flew down to see me, picked up a lovely little virus of some sort on the way. We thought it was just allergies - I mean these southern allergies are the worst this year in 10 years or something crazy like that. But then came the headaches, sore throat and FEVER! YIKES! And even though I know medicine doesn't necessarily make a virus less catchable, it does make you stop sneezing and coughing and spewing stuff EVERYWHERE. And my friend just so happens to be one of those people who 'doesn't like medicine' because it 'freaks her out.'

That's fine in any other situation, but you're in my home and I would really prefer if you took an antihistamine so you're not sneezing your germs all over my couch which I sit/lay in daily. Please? No go. Again, that's fine, I didn't pressure her (ok ok I did a little but I still let her have her way) and she continued to sneeze and cough and yada yada.

Today my lovely readers, I now have a frog cough (nothing productive) that makes me throw up instantly if I cough more than 3 times in a row. Lovely, I know! A really humongous throat, sniffy nose, you name it I got it. No fever yet, although I did feel a little fever-y but I ignored it.

I wouldn't really care too much, except for the fact that I feel like an absolute douche. If I had been the good little cherub and taken my pills like the doctors say to, I could have avoided this (most likely) . But now I'm sick, and I have my first day of work tomorrow as a nanny. This would also be fine, except its the first day of work and they don't really know much about CF so I gave them a very general overview. When I say general, I mean, way way above general, I wouldn't even count it as an explanation! Terrible, I know, but I like the families to get to know me first, and see that I can handle the job then ease them into the disease. I mean, come on, would you throw a 2 year old in the pool and expect them to swim? No way jose! You put them in a bubble suit, with bubble arms and a bubble belt, obviously. Then one by one take the bubbles away and they can swim fine. That's what I'm doing. Except in the ocean and not a pool. haha

So all in all I'm freaking out. Stressing out. BIG day tomorrow. I hope this thing goes away nicely and I feel better tomorrow and not worse. And you better believe I have done all my meds so far today (although thanks to the bullfrog in my throat I decided that antibiotics look much prettier in the toilet with some cranberry juice than in my tummy).

Even with all this stressing me out, I have decided I'm going to try this "stress free, worry not" approach, and just let it happen. Whatever it may be. Maybe this is a lesson about sometimes putting yourself first is OK.

And with that I'm off to clean the apartment because it is a disaster area.

PS. I got new dishes and I am super duper uber excited. I can hardly contain it. They are white and beautiful and corelle so they'll last a long time and if I keep saying "and" I might just be able to make this the longest run-on sentence in the world. Don't you just love my grammar? I'm lucky if I remember "i before e, except after c".

Hope all is well for everyone else.

Trusting in...I'm not sure but I'm trusting in it anyway.

So as preacher man aka Nate, who is a priest in training? I have no idea -- but as preacher man would say that sometimes "coincidences are really just a sign of something more" -- I might actually be starting to believe it!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be a jesus loving freak ( no offense if he's your homeboy, I've just never really dug the whole 'religion' thing) -- but I do believe in 'fate.' And, I guess you can say, I have some sort of 'beliefs' even if they don't exactly match any specific relegion. Now, with that said... Here's my crazy story.

It all started with taking a year off of school. I know I needed something to fill my time with or I'd go crazy. So lazily, out of curiosity really, I checked my sittercity account and found a job in Williamsburg that I applied to. It wasn't anything special, it was exactly what I was looking for but hey, what the heck. Well, I had been checking it once in a while because I didn't hear back from anyone else.

Well, then, my car broke! It wouldn't start, it would just crank and crank but never catch. I rushed it over to my friend Joe the mechanic (he's this really jolly old man at Auto Merchants) and he said he'd fix it up in a jiffy. Well, a jiffy costs quite a bit, and I already feel guilty making my dad pay for everything but getting money from my mother is just suchhhh a hassle. She always puts me in the middle with the good 'ole "Well, I'll pay half and your father can pay the other half" nonsense. So, I took the bullet and paid for it myself. Which led me to check sittercity again to see if the person I emailed ever responded, because seriously I need a job. But then again, did I? I still wanted to work for Jeanette (4-6) because I do love her kids, and its an easy job-- not to mention flexible. Conclusion; yes- 100 dollars a week does not get you buy, hell, it doesn't even pay my grocery bill for the week!

I sign in and ----NADA! zip zero zilch. Oh well, moving on. Wasn't a big deal, I still have Jeannette's. The weekend is almost over and I'm missing my car terribly! It needed a new part from the dealer and I had to wait till monday so they could order it. (I took it in Friday). Sunday I get an email from my sittercity account. (weird as I have NEVER been emailed through this site) And it was a family asking if I was still looking for a full time position because they have two little girls. They lived in williamsburg (check) they were offering 10$ an hour (check) and the schedule? 8am-4pm (check I can still work at jeanettes) the kicker, which really makes me think... I get every other friday off. Why is that important. Well, fridays in general are usually important for young college students such as myself, minus the college status, but Fridays are adult CLINIC DAYS! So it works out perfectly that I see my therapist on fridays and clinic is run on friday mornings. Weird weird weird.

Seeing all of these coincidences, that I just HAPPENED to check my sittercity, and it just HAPPENED to be in Williamsburg, with the hours I was looking for (although the 8am will need an adjustment period eeek - once I'm on a schedule I'll be fiiiiine think highschool I was up at 530 am each day starting sophomore/junior year) with a decent pay and two little girls?? Girls are much easier to care for than boys I find. I said, what the heck I'll sign up for an interview. The way the phrased it, it sounded like they had a few others lined up.

Well, I had that interview tonight -----

Oh wait, before we get any further, coincident number 1 billion: They live 3 minutes from jeanette. And we continue:

I had the interview tonight. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous. I always get nervous. Being a full time actual nanny is demanding -- and I always feel terrible having to say "I have CF so I'll need two weeks off frequently for hospitalizations blah blah blah" Thats always the source of my nerves.

Well, the girls were SO cute, and awesome. I had them hugging me and sitting on my lap within the 30 minute time frame that I was there. But man! They put me through the toughest interview to date. I was asked about previous tantrums and how I've handled them, any emergency situations I've dealt with, what I would do with a 1year old and a 2 year old, my disciplinary routine, etc. etc. They really actually caught me quite off guard! haha. But I didn't lie, and if I couldn't answer a question I told them. My answer to what would you do with a 1 year old and a 2 year old was "Ummmmmmmm. Huh. Well, they'd definitely be a lot of dancing, singing, funny faces, coloring... and I'm not exactly quite sure what else. I don't know their personalities yet, so with every child its different" But let me tell you that "um" lasted a little too long for my personal tastes, but HEY I WAS NERVOUS! Its not like I haven't watched a 10 month old and a 23 month old before, but how do you explain that you just sit on the carpet and play with blocks, or take turns passing an object back and forth a hundred times? All the while singing some song (its this terrible habit, I sing EVERYTHING when I'm with small children, you name it I'm singing it. If her shoe is untied I'll be singing "Let me tie your shooooeeeeee so you dont trip and FAAALLLLLLLL, the bunny runs round the tree then its tied as you can see, and your shoe is as good as new!" to my own personal made up tune. I really didn't know how to explain that. So I didn't. They'll see.

Which leads me to my next point -- they offered me the job. Almost. They will call me tomorrow to confirm it. Basically they wanted to do a background check (although there's not much there it will just say "CLEAR", or however that works) and call my references. But I quote "Well, we think your wonderful" there were a few non-ideal situations, but I think the ideal situations outweigh the non ones. So it might be a go.

I'm nervous, but excited. The little girls seem like sweethearts and I think I agree with most of their parenting so far (from what I heard). Oh, another great point? They're only looking for a commitment till the beginning of March. Done and done. I will finish up with them (they're moving- he's military) and then have a few months and then Kyle and I will move.

It seems soooo, coincidental. It fits so perfectly that it must of be a sign of some sort. That this was meant for me. I mean,come on, ALL those coincidences?? Really? So I'm going for it. What the heck. You'll never know if you'll sink or swim if you don't get in the water. Right????? eeeeek.

Plus, the cash would be nice and I can finally, well maybe, not rely on my Dad's allowance each month to get by and pay my rent. That would be so satisfactory! and sweet. definitely sweet.

On OTHER NEWS. (I know there's more!?) Kyle got a sick-ass computer. Mac Book but its souped up and pimped out. hahaha. It has 2 harddrives, both 160GB both leopard and windows 7 installed, Microsoft office on both, and has 4 gb of ram instead of 2. say whaaaaat?? Plus it still has some of the warranty on it, but the best part is? It was only 700 buckerooos. Woohoo. That's my bargain hunter. =)