Thursday, April 22, 2010

Week by Week, Day by Day

Wow, where does time go? It seems to fly by when you least expect it to. But yet, when I reflect on my days I haven't accomplished anything. At least anything significant. I extended my school break till may 31st, which will be the maximum of 5 months off. Hopefully by May 31st, I will be under the "Michelle Law" with my mom's insurance so I can have a whole year off without consequence or insurance drop. And then within that year, I hopefully with receive medicare/medicaid -- if the friggin people will ever set a court date for me. (so frustrating but that's another story). Even with this "plan" in place. It's not much of a plan. No goals, no finish line, no nothing. It's a little disheartening, seeing as I don't have any direction in life, and basically have decided that I'm going to be financially dependent on other people for ....well... my whole life? Granted, I don't WANT to be dependent, but I just can't seem to find a way around it.

I've run over the options so many times in my mind, and there just isn't one that seems 'right'. I can continue in school, eventually graduate ( I technically would be a junior in college right now, but now that I'm doing school online, and have taken this break I wouldn't graduate until at least 2012.) so after eventually finishing school, I can teach. Teach? Seriously now, what was I thinking?? Yes, I love kids, but no, I don't love their germs. And teaching is so much work, both in the classroom and outside of it. My mother was a teacher for 3 years and was so terrible at it she quit -- before they fired her. haha. Plus being sick all the time, and coughing everyday--all day. I would only get half as much material covered as regular teachers, and that is unfair to the kiddies. But it would provide the health insurance needed, and an income (not much of an income but money nonetheless.) However this is the plan I dread the most.

Plan B: Finally recieve Medicare/Medicaid and find something to do with my time. With the most stressful things covered (healthcare coverage) what to do as far as income. Well this is the best (and this is sarcasm) thing about getting government assistance with healthcare, you have to be dirt poor! So nothing in my name, no finances to my name, and certainly no 'real' job. Less than 750 a month to continue coverage for federal, nevermind the state limit. Even with a small part time job as a barista or something some silly teenager does as their first job, I can only work for a maximum of 5 years with my 'ticket to work.' Then after 5 years you're kicked off. Granted, you can easily get right back on should you get fired for so many missed absences (cough cough hospitalizations every other month for 2 weeks at a time) but still, what a hassle. So with medicare and medicaid what the heck do you do with your spare time. Even now, with an under the table gig of babysitting after school, my days are boring and repetitive. I live on youtube and facebook. I finally discovered boggle online so now I'm exercising my brain a little, but come on you can only boggle so many times before your hand cramps. And there are only so many stupid youtube videos you can watch, and even movies online usually have a time limit (thanks megavideo for my 72 minutes of video today).

Plan C: Oh wait I have no idea what plan C is. Plan C is my 'dream' rather than an actual plan. Kyle will finish Grad school and land an amazing job, preferably with the government, and he'll have at least a 20 year contract, and with that contract comes amazing insurance. So we could legally get married and I'd be covered under his insurance. We'd buy a nice house, with a huge backyard overlooking some mountains (because the nature boy I just married is obsessed with mountains or something) and we'd get two amazing puppies, a husky and Australian shepard. Then magically one day I would realize we're pregnant and my pregnancy would go smoothly for 39 weeks (I'd be a week early because of 'cf ' but that's the only problem ---haha I told you this was my dream!) And then I can be a stay at home mama, and do what I do best, love and care for little angels. And then a few months later after my little baby is born, a cure for CF would be found and all my worries would melt away! Tada!!!!!!!

So Plan C would be awesome but I'll settle for plan B mixed with a little of C, or most of C. Anything from C? gah.

I can't even remember what started this. Oh right, my pointless days. I honestly have no direction in life. It's so unnerving, dissatisfying, and honestly stressful. Needing something to do with my time, especially if I am able to get under the Michelle Law (which I don't seem being a problem, my new CF doc is awesome and he'd gladly write me anything I needed.) that I've been brainstorming what I could do to A. make a little extra money, and B. not die from boredom.

Well, the other day I settled on trying to make some nice sets of cards to try to sell on Before that I had been thinking monogramed onesies or bibs, something for babies, as that would give me an excuse to shop for baby things. haha so bad, I know. But I still haven't figured out how to embroider well enough on my sewing machine. I did however manage to get it back to the english language. Not that I didn't appreciate the german or anything like that.

I thought about trying to make a cute set of 'thank you' cards related to CF in a way, because I thought it would be nice after all the walk-a-thons going on for people to have a cool thank you to send. I tried to make a pair of lungs type card, and well, I found out very quickly I can't draw lungs for sh**. hahah. But I tried. So CF thank you's are still in the works, we'll see if I can think up anything cool or exciting.

Speaking of lungs, Miss Jess is doing awesome with her new set of breathers. Yay! And my sister finally agreed to double list and is getting the ball rolling with Cleveland Clinic. I just pray and hope she doesn't back out once it gets 'tough'. She's the epitome of laziness and I know if extra work is required to double listing, she will kiss those lungs goodbye. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Well, that's because it is! Unfortunately, she can't see that. =\

Alrighty, thats about it. Oh except for the fact that my vest machine broke, and I got a new machine from hill-rom (yay for lifetime warranties!) and NO WONDER I didn't think the vest did anything, mine DIDN'T! It didn't even have enough power to make my tubes whistle. Yes, apparently my tubes had quite a few holes from puppy teeth/ferret teeth, and when I put them on the new machine you could have sworn there was a train a-comin! haha, so yes the machine was a dud. And the new machine! WOAH! It's awesome. It's cut my coughing down by at least 30-50%. Not even joking/lying. The second day of doing the new vest my chest hurt because it stopped all my 'coughing for 5 minutes only to get mostly spit up' and changed them into 'cough only once-twice every hour, but cough up some deep nasty junk that you know is gross'. Fine by me. Get it up, get it out, get it GONE.

Speaking of which, it's vest time now. =) And if you made it to the end of this, then you deserve a prize!

(And in future reference if I ever stop making sense or my entries are all over the place, just know that I don't believe in 'proof reading' I just write and click publish. haha. Sometimes I go back and reread them after the fact and all I can do is laugh at how poorly the ideas are connected, or spelling mistakes, or randomness. )

1 comment:

Gem said...

haha! I love re-reading posts and laughing at how little sense they make! I like the idea of CF thank you cards! Would be hard to design them though! Would love to see what you come up with!!! Hope you are OK and I hope everything goes smoothly for your sister! Gem xx