Monday, August 13, 2012

Day:Night as Depression:_______


Continuing my alarmingly bi-polar emotions.. I have some pretty awesome news! My kalydeco was finally approved. My mom, being a mom, called up the insurance company with my step-aunt (who used to work for said insurance company) and they proceeded to huff and puff and blow the house down. Or something to that effect. All I know, is the company called my clinic, said they would work something out, and then...BAM, a few days later they said they would approve my usage until 2017. That's 5 years people. I'll be 28 when this deal expires.

I am, thankfully, feeling a ton better. I started a 3 week course of some wonderful MRSA killing agents. My obnoxious moodiness is gone, phew, but stress is still here. For example, we are still counting down the days till Kyle takes his PhD qualifying exams for which he is doing nothing but studying, eating, feeling sick, not sleeping, and my favorite of all continually whimpering that he has to do this big exam.  Another example of a major stressor in our lives, is oh, the wedding. It's not that bad. I finally finished the hanging pennants to hang around the tent. I made something like 80 something feet  of the stuff. Insane. I went a little overboard on fabrics. com.

Yikes. This post is all over the place--- in true mania form, of course. =)

Speaking of being a bit mental- I read my old diaries to find some good dates about when kyle and I shared our first kiss, and first held hands, and whatnot. AND MAN! Reading my diary is exhausting. I was out. of. my. mind. Almost literally. I was all over the place emotionally.It was scary to read.  Makes me wonder if I should have been seeing someone the whole time. Although, I must say, sometimes I'm quite funny. I'll be talking about something so serious and morbid and I'll out of the blue say something like "Oh, yea, by the way, I won a hamster at the pet store today. I named he Q. " and then continue on my sad morbid story without a blink of an eye.

It made me really reflect on how I live my life now. In so many ways I'm completely the same. Thoughts are just moving so fast that they end up all over the place, and if I'm writing them down, well.. let's just say instead of a van-goh I'm finger-painting over here.  Although, I am a whole heck of a lot better, I know now that I usually  need to stop collect my thoughts really think about what I want to say, before I say it. After glancing over this entry it's probably only when I'm speaking. Although, kyle has helpful reminders like when I 'm trying to tell him something and I start 7 different sentences "Okay, so I was" "No, he" "So this thing," "Ummm" "oh he and" ----> this happens more than I like to admit. Kyle will jump in, "Beth, you haven't said a single thing yet, but you're somehow still talking?"  Yup, take two.

Let's see if I can wrap this up so everything sounds like it was intentional:

In conclusion, reading those old diary entries really helped me reflect on how I live now. It reminded me that problems that seem huge, end up being insignificant in the long run. It made me realize just how all over the place I can be. Being more aware of myself, I feel confident I can handle the stress we are juggling as a family at this point in time. Although, having kayldeco will aid in that department, a healthy girl is a happy girl!

The end.

PS I felt like I was writing an essay for my conclusion.


Gem said...

SO glad that your insurance approved the kalydeco! They don't like to make things easy for you do they?!

Reading past diaries always entertains me. I always think how strange I am... Reading past blogs I wonder why anyone read any of it as nothing seemed to make sense!

Hope everything goes well for Kyle and his PhD. He must be so sressed but he's nearly there! When's your wedding day?! Exciting!!!


Jenny Livingston said...

There is so much that I loved about this post. :)

John said...

Great news on the Kalydeco! I cannot believe your insurance approved something more than one year out. Got to love the family! Continue being YOU!