Sunday, May 29, 2011

Room 142

At 5:00 pm EST the Carnival Glory set sail to the bahamas. I've never been on a cruise before, this cruise is my first. Only, I didn't quite make it aboard. Instead I'm now hooked up to an IV pole because my body decided it was the perfect opportunity for my first ever case of hemoptysis at 3 am morning before my first ever cruise. Did I mention this cruise was a gift?

To say I am bummed is an understatement. I am bitter and filled with regret. As soon as that fateful mouthful of red, frothy, liquid poured from my teeth I immediately was trying to talk it down. When I hadn't heard back from the pulmonoligist on call for over an hour an a half I successful convinced myself it was no biggie. People bleed all the time.

But then he called, and said to come in. Come in come in. Like, sit here for a couple weeks while everyone is in the bahamas so you're alone by yourself come in.

I put my health first and I hate myself for it. I'd much rather be sick and sailing than be healthy and lonely. I'm on such a weird emotional roller coaster right now. I'll understand eventually I did make the right decision, but it doesn't help it suck any less.

I've taken 4 steps forward and now 3 and a half back. Does it ever get easier?


Jess said...

Im sorry lady. It doesn't get easier, but there are still moments that will be great!

Jenny Livingston said...

My personal mantra the past several days has been "FUCK YOU, CF!" Feel free to borrow it. ;)

Seriously, this makes me so upset. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Sending love and healing thoughts to you.

cindy baldwin said...

That utterly sucks. I'm so sorry!!! Is there any way that you can get your ticket changed to a later cruise? I've found the excuse "I had an emergency hospitalization" often works wonders....