Learning to love

I learned a lot today. I am out of the hospital with a lung function around 69/70%. I'm staying with the woman I work for (I babysit) until my kyle has gotten over the flu. Jeanette (technically my "boss") has taught me a lot in the few months that I have known her.

She sees a strength in me that I sometimes struggle to see myself. She uses the word 'brave' to describe my battle, and 'positive' to describe my fighting tool. Now, I have never thought of myself as 'positive' in any way before but hearing her describe the light she sees me under almost makes me feel guilty. I feel like I'm cheating; being someone I'm not. I would love to change and be that person she describes and sometimes maybe I am that brave, positive, strong person she describes, but other days I'm only human and I hurt, cry, and yearn.

Today the tables were turned and it was not I receiving the positive encouragement, but rather doling it out. After a long, very hard and stressful day my Jeanette returned crying. Even through tears I could see her strength, her bravery, and her positive perseverance. My heart cried out to her to see her hurt. And it was then I discovered we all need love. We all need to learn how to be loved and how to give love. Today I gave all the love I had in my heart to this woman I've known for a few months. I feel like family and when family hurts, you hurt. I look up to Jeanette in so many ways. I see her as the wonderful, successful mother I would someday love to become.

I learned a great lesson today and I feel very thankful that somewhere in the universe I was given this opportunity. I know I'm probably sounding like a sap -- but I really feel blessed to have met this family, and thankful for being shown that we all need to love and be loved.

As always,

Beth