Friday, August 26, 2011

All that is well in the land of Oz

So clearly the title of this post will have nothing to do with my post. I just wanted a title and didn't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking of something.

Recently after realizing I have a clot the size of Africa in my left arm, I was put on enoxoprin injections which are just a blood thinner a tad heftier than heprin. Orginially I was supposed to be on 5 days of injections and then remain on Coumadin- an oral blood thinner.

The first day I recieve these injections from the pharmacy I was upset to say the least. They are NOT similar to an insulin syringe dear nurse, not even close. I sat at my kitchen table looking at this needle I was supposed to jab into my fatty areas... only to realize I have close to no fat on my body.

I worked myself up into a mental breakdown over this one dauntingly simple task. So much so that I had to call my sister to walk me through it. Voicemail. I didn't want to talk to my Dad or he'd insist on coming down that moment to A. give my doctors a piece of his mind and B. wait on me hand and foot ... so I called my mom. The day before her wedding, while she was getting a pedicure. Sobbing.

I finally just jabbed a pinch of my butt (one of the ONLY places I still have a bit of fattiness) and when it was in I thought the hardest part was over. Little did I know that blood thinners are like 1,000 tiny knives carving out everything in their path under your skin. YIKES! And of course being the medical pro I am I never bothered to read FULLY the instructions (so unlike me) and if I did I must have blacked out because I rubbed that sucker down! I rubbed my butt till my hand hurt hoping it'd ease the pain.

Well, lesson learned. That is the biggest no-no is blood thinners history. Duh. Its a blood thinner, rubbing it makes you bleed! I ended up with this massive LUMP and the grossest bruise that still hurts 8 days later.

And each time my injection time came around (2x day) I broke into a mini mental breakdown. How was I willingly going to inflict pain upon myself every 12 hours?! I finally made it to Tuesday lucky day 5 of my treatment and call the doctors to make sure I was able to stop.

Turns out I have to be on them for 11 more days. Each time they get easier, until that one time I flake out and then the fear creeps up again. I know stabbing the needle into my flesh FAST will be painless but something about quickly moving a needle willingly to my own body freaks me out and I just can't do it. STILL. So I go slow and steady and painfully push it past my dragon hide( I swear skin shouldn't be this tough to break!). Each time I successfully inject myself I promise myself a goodie. "Oh you can definitely go buy that wicker basket now" "You should go get a redbull in celebration!" "This shot was totally worth a puppy"

But I never follow through because I know that like it or not, I'm doing it to keep myself healthy. It may not make me happy now, but when I'm still here 10-15- nay 40 years from now I'll be thankful I didn't throw the towel in and let a clot ruin my chance of having an amazing life.

Enoxaprin, you may sting and bruise, and make me limp all you want but I will keep scrunching up my face, keep hyperventilating, keep cursing you under my breath--or outloud-- and eventually I will show you who's boss. As for you CF, I start work soon so you KNOW I'll be kickin' your butt if you try to get ugly on me. Don't you forget that I have 30 more syringes and I'm *almost* not afraid to use them!

PS this post is way too long for such a simple story but really I don't feel like going back to make it shorter.


Anonymous said...

Sorry they are so painful but love the humorous way you wrote it.

Gem said...

You crack me up!!! It sounds horrible though! I don't think I could be diabetic. Summing up the courage to stab yourself must take some doing!

I hope the rest of the injections go ok. People always say it gets easier the more you do it, but I'm not 100% convinced! It sounds like you're doing really well though! xxx

Mrs. Murray said...

I'm so sorry that you're going through this pain but I have to say - I was laughing so much through this post. I just started giving myself insulin injections and when you stated that it's nothing like an insulin needle, I gasped. I have trouble sticking myself with the insulin needle!! Like you, forcefully jabbing a needle in my body is not in my mindset! I can't wait to follow your blog (Thanks for commenting so that I could come check out your page)!!