Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Not Lately

I'm just not into it lately. I sit down to write and I stare at this blank white space and get lost. Cue distraction. My idea of brainstorming is reading other blogs followed by similar versions of this:

"Oh, I wish I would just get up early and bake like that"
"She writes such awesome posts, and they're not novels... Why are my posts so long, and incoherent"
"I used to be an average writer...." (So maybe average is a stretch. In my school I think I was above par, if you could look past my grammar and spelling. I had nice ideas and could convey them smoothly. Not so much these days. Not so much.)
"Her blog always leaves me feeling inadequate... I should go clean."

But Why? I sit down to write and I feel intimidated. I shouldn't feel inadequate. Ever. And yet when I come to this blank space I feel just that; inadequate. My fingers struggle to type and the words just aren't forming. No one's going to tell me I'm wrong or give me a grade, and yet I sit here struggling.

There have been so many time I've sat down with the intent to write and I've done nothing but stare at this page and reflect. I have so many stories and thoughts that I'm sure I could spin beautifully growing the wonderful web that is my life... but don't you see? It sounds forced. It sounds cheesy. Although, it would suit me-- I tend to be a cheesy person in real life.
(I once corrected my aunt when
she called me "a ham."
"No, no no! I'm not a ham...
*cue dramatic voice*
... I'm a GA-LAZED ham"
Been there. Done that. )

As of right now I'l just keep staring at this blank space hoping for inspiration to strike. Or maybe I'll bookmark a thesaurus and boost my vocabulary confidence, and perhaps words will come a little easier. But for now? Bed sounds best.


Gem said...

I ALWAYS love your blogs! They never fail to make me laugh, your storys are amazing, and your blog is your space to write whatever you want to! I've really missed your blogging!

Big loves! xxx

Jenny Livingston said...

Ugh. I know exactly the feeling you mean, and I HATE it. I can especially relate to that "I need to go clean/sew/bake" part! I'm certainly not very domestic and there are times that reading about all these crafty, busy, talented women makes me want to start drinking before noon.

I really enjoy writing, so even when I'm feeling like I don't measure up, I write. (I notice that my posts are a lot more sarcastic when I'm feeling inferior.) My suggestion? JUST WRITE. Write all you want, about anything you want. You don't have to publish it - just get it out there! Knowing there are no expectations and you are just writing for yourself may take some of the pressure off and make it feel less "forced". Then when you're done, it may end up being post worthy after all. ;)