These are the days where I feel like a screw-up, a mistake: a defect. What's my life plan? Why am I here? I wouldn't be here if it weren't for medicine so why am I here? And then I feel guilty. I look at kyle and all I see is love, but what kind of life does a 19 year old have loving a terminally ill girlfirend? Someone who's just going to leave him and who needs so much. What possesses him each day to continue to love me? I wish and pray everyday that I can be as strong as he is, somedays I can't even deal with it and then he goes about like a normal loving day. Where does he get his strength from?
I hope I can grow old with him. And give him as much love as I possibly can. I hope he knows I have good days and bad days, but I love him all the time. I hope he knows I want to try and fight but sometimes it's too hard. So I hope he will understand that I need him.
Kyle, I need you